Friday, November 4, 2011

Just a thought in space...

Well, Its been a couple weeks since I posted anything. Life has been, well has been LIFE... Been working alot, and having to do alot of homework, I also started selling Scentsy. Still can't get my mind to stop racing. I could be so extremely busy, but It never fails, my mind goes right back to Daddy..

This weekend is gonna be rough for us three girls. But most of all Exstremly rough for my mother. This weekend marks my Parents 40th weeding anniversary. I could never imagine being with one person for so long, and then being sepereted after 40 years. Rob and I have only been together for a lil over a year and I still can't imagine being away from him.

My parents had their ups and downs. Mostly ups, as far as I can remember. The world works in a crazy way. Its lets people spend so many years together to just rip them apart. Its something, as usual, I will never understand. Now the thing is, I really don't know how to comfort my mom. I know the pain that I feel for losing my dad, but as far as her pain is much greater than I will ever know.

These past couple months, as well as the next few months, are going to totally bite the big one. First, It started with losing dad in August, then it was Bry and I's birthday in September, Dad's birthday in October, Mom and Dad's anniversary, as well as Thanksgiving in November, and to end this year Christmas in December...

For now this is all I am going to divulge....

Much Crazy Love...
Court

Monday, October 24, 2011

Losing HIm....

Well,  its been 2 months today since I lost him. The HIM in this case would be my father. I can't believe it, 2 months already, and yet it seems like yesterday... My world hasn't been the same without him. I miss him so. I can't really describe the pain, but I know it hurts.....

My mind is constantly racing, from old memories, to future regrets. Regrets of the fact that he won't be here to see my children grow or to see me grow more as a person. 

Some days the pain turns to frustration and anger, and then to sadness. Frustration and Anger for the simple fact, that I become angry at him for leaving. I feel like he has left me, somewhat abandon me. I still have my mother, I am not an orphan, but without him here, I feel like I am an orphan. He promised never to leave.....

Then my anger and frustration turns into sadness. Sadness for the way of my thinking, because my father was in so much pain. Pain that wouldn't even go away in his sleep. His body was his own personal hell. My father battled sickness and illness almost his whole life. So basically I am being selfish for wanting him here. Here with me....


This is the beginning of what I hope helps me deal with my past, present and my future craziness....I figured I have enough crazy for the whole world, so why not share it with the whole world....

Much Crazy Love...
Court